"Tell me, what brings you here?"
Frankly, I have no idea why I am here. The funny thing is, I have always had a feeling that someday I will end up here. When the feeling comes to the surface, I ponder the words I'm going to say to you. Do I start with my insecurities, or the ingrained hatred towards myself, or the fact that I don't think anyone cares about me? Should I tell you about the dark and twisted fragments of my psyche?
Childhood trauma, you said? I think that is off-limits, we should not address that ever again since I might start crying after uttering a few words. Displaying fragility towards other people just isn't my thing; I don't even do it in front of my loved ones, let alone a complete stranger like you. Oh, and one more thing: you would probably die of boredom if I chose to tell you about the horrible shit people have done to me which gave me immense trauma and severe trust issues. That story is at least three meetings long, and unfortunately, I can't afford them.
Something in my gut tells me that you'd most likely shift the blame towards me, telling me that I am the one at fault all this time. Given the fact that I'm such a dramatic, selfish piece of shit, I should just straightly book my place in hell already. Trust me, I would not even be remotely surprised if you really thought of me that way. I'm so used to blaming and loathing myself even for the things I have absolutely no control of. If I were to be completely honest, I am scared. I wish I could retreat from this nonsensical bullshit you're offering me. It seems hard to believe that you will successfully guide me to fill the unceasing void inside my heart and ultimately heal. I guess I was born as a fuck up.
Anyway, where were we?
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar