Hai readers―kenapa aku pake term readers padahal belum tentu ada yang baca postingan-postingan, or rantings, to be exact, yang sometimes really idiotic ini―sudah lama ya aku ga ngomong sama kalian semua. Been taking a hiatus actually. Not only from blogging world, but also other worlds that i have been enjoying, contohnya asianfanfics. Udah lama aku ga nulis fanfic lagi. Haha. Sorry readers, I am indeed an evil author. Mind forgiving me? /giggles
Kay so a lot of things have been going through my life. Aku belum cerita ya kalo aku pindah ke Jogja? Well, ceritanya panjang. Dan dramatik. Nggak bisa dijelasin dalam satu blog post aja. Bisa sih, kalo aku mau; tapi aku males, okay? /SLAPPED.
So intinya aku sekarang di Jogja and life is okay. Semuanya baik-baik aja sih―kecuali the fact bahwa sekarang aku suka sesek kalo ketawa dan okay, ini emang ga penting tapi kalo aku mati gimana, hah?!?!―meskipun aku harus ngelakuin beberapa penyesuaian dulu. Semuanya slow dan steady, berjalan hampir seperti apa yang aku mau, untungnya. Good friends, good life, tapi kenapa post blog ini harus dikasih judul affliction―yang artinya derita atau bad luck―padahal life is...okay?
Fine.
My life is not okay.
Banyak hal yang buat aku depressed to death sekarang―mungkin itu pemicu sesak nafasku pas ketawa; hey! aku nggak bercanda-_-kalo orang stress itu biasanya penyakit menyerang ke bagian yang terlemah, tau. makanya baca buku, jangan cuma merengut abis baca tulisanku ini―apalagi sejak aku masuk kelas sebelas. OH IYA! Sampe lupa bilang. I'M OFFICIALLY AN ELEVENTH GRADER YAAAAYYY I'M IN SOPHOMORE YEAR NOOOOW! Enough with the overloading happiness karena berhasil naik kelas―padahal gapernah nyatet sama sekali―dan langsung cus to the main topic.
Pertama, I―first aku mau terima kasih sama Tuhan atas karunianya sebelum aku mulai rants ini karena aku takut Tuhan marah:(―got into the best class gitu deh ceritanya hehe....seneng sih iya, mana ada yg ngga seneng masuk situ, please deh-_- tapi bebanku rasanya tambah berat aja gitu. Anak-anaknya pada super semua otaknya, rajin pula, gimana owe bisa ngelawan those guys?!?!?!?!? MURID MACEM GUE YANG SUKANYA DENGERIN IPOD PAS PELAJARAN INSTEAD OF DENGERIN GURU DAN NYATET?!?!?!?! VERSUS THOSE DILIGENT, GENIUS, HARDWORKING HYPER-PEEPS?!?!?!!? /faints. /dies instantly.
Jangan suruh aku buat belajar, kay. AKU TAU AKU HARUS BELAJAR AKU CUMA BUTUH KERAJINAN. Itu aja. DAN KAYAKNYA AKU BAKAL GET IT AFTER 10000000 YEARS OF WAITING. OKAY. STOP BOTHERING ME. /wall-palms/
Kedua, there's this guy―okay aku tau kamu disana udah bilang "mulai deh si thaya curcol tentang cowok lagi..." ya maaf sih cyin this is my fucking lifeeeeeeeeee and please ask yourself apakah kamu udah berkontribusi sesuatu untuk aku thankyou sist―actually, he was a crush. liat kalimatku yg sebelumnya carefully. was a crush.
Jangan suruh aku buat belajar, kay. AKU TAU AKU HARUS BELAJAR AKU CUMA BUTUH KERAJINAN. Itu aja. DAN KAYAKNYA AKU BAKAL GET IT AFTER 10000000 YEARS OF WAITING. OKAY. STOP BOTHERING ME. /wall-palms/
Kedua, there's this guy―okay aku tau kamu disana udah bilang "mulai deh si thaya curcol tentang cowok lagi..." ya maaf sih cyin this is my fucking lifeeeeeeeeee and please ask yourself apakah kamu udah berkontribusi sesuatu untuk aku thankyou sist―actually, he was a crush. liat kalimatku yg sebelumnya carefully. was a crush.
was a crush
was a
was
So sekarang dia bukan crush-ku lagi. Not anymore. We had a misunderstanding gitu deh yang mungkin dia kira sebagai "get-the-fuck-out-of-my-life-you-filthy-bastard-i'm-sick-of-you" dari aku. So we went separate ways...eh ternyata saudara-saudara...kita bersatu lagi. GOD DAMMIT. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW IT FREAKING FEELS buat sekelas sama orang yang you dislike the most dan yang paling kamu pengen jauhin? Rasanya sih awkward. Geez, I can't find the right word to describe keadaanku di kelas setiap hari. Yang jelas kamu nggak akan mau ngejalanin hal ini....EVER.
Ketiga, my camera charger is gone. My dad lost it and dang...aku nggak bisa mengekspresikan kejahilanku(?) terhadap vibrant colors dan teman-teman berwujud objek fotografi yang bagus. Bad luck? Mungkin aja sih. Emang mungkin aku harus mengurangi kejahilanku sama hal-hal itu.
Keempat, sudah lama aku single. #kode.
Kelima, aku sering stalk this account:
Bagus kan? Lebih lanjutnya stalking dia aja deh. Terus, the thing is, aku sering retweet dia dan dia itu keren and fabulous deh. Aku ngerasa lebih suka galau(?) abis nemuin dia. Liat deh, contoh katanya dia: "As cliche as it sounds // I just want to lie down next to you // in a field // in silence // our hands intertwined // while we watch the night sky." She's a poem genius, isn't she?
Dan akhir dari post ini aku pengen ngungkapin bahwa indeed aku lagi depresi. stress. in total despair. aku pengen semuanya kembali steady seperti awal-awal aku masuk di Jogja, aku pengen aku jadi anak rajin dan pinter, bisa bener-bener fokus di kelas, aku pengen aku balik lagi sama crushku kayak dulu lagi apalagi the fact bahwa kita sekelas―meskipun berat untuk bilang ini ke siapapun, apalagi dia, aku pengen baterai kameraku balik lagi, aku pengen bisa bereksperimen sama kameraku lagi, aku pengen ga jomblo lagi, aku pengen bisa jadi seorang writing genius kayak miss widowed soul. I am desperate to have these things back in my life - kenyataannya aku nggak bisa. Dan aku frustasi.
Terus aku mikir, there are going to be days when I won't have the energy to get out of bed. There are going to be days when I want to give everything up; love, school, career, family―which is happening to me now. The thing is, I am not allowed to give up―at all. I was given a life by God and I am supposed to live it. The truth is the seventy or eighty or even sixty years that God has given me might not be enough for me to do what I am supposed to do. It's a common fact that I am gonna hit some bumps through the way, but I've got to pick myself up and move on.
Life is unpredictable, and things might not work out as what you wanted them to be, but that's not a reason to give up. You are here for a reason, and someday, unexpectedly, you're going to discover your reason of being here.
And when that happens, your life might never be the same again.
Kelima, aku sering stalk this account:
 |
| AND HOLY CRAP SHE'S A GENIUS SHE TWEETS BEAUTIFUL WORDS AND YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY RELATE TO HER I SWEAR GOD |
Dan tweetnya dia itu macem gini:
Bagus kan? Lebih lanjutnya stalking dia aja deh. Terus, the thing is, aku sering retweet dia dan dia itu keren and fabulous deh. Aku ngerasa lebih suka galau(?) abis nemuin dia. Liat deh, contoh katanya dia: "As cliche as it sounds // I just want to lie down next to you // in a field // in silence // our hands intertwined // while we watch the night sky." She's a poem genius, isn't she?
Dan akhir dari post ini aku pengen ngungkapin bahwa indeed aku lagi depresi. stress. in total despair. aku pengen semuanya kembali steady seperti awal-awal aku masuk di Jogja, aku pengen aku jadi anak rajin dan pinter, bisa bener-bener fokus di kelas, aku pengen aku balik lagi sama crushku kayak dulu lagi apalagi the fact bahwa kita sekelas―meskipun berat untuk bilang ini ke siapapun, apalagi dia, aku pengen baterai kameraku balik lagi, aku pengen bisa bereksperimen sama kameraku lagi, aku pengen ga jomblo lagi, aku pengen bisa jadi seorang writing genius kayak miss widowed soul. I am desperate to have these things back in my life - kenyataannya aku nggak bisa. Dan aku frustasi.
Terus aku mikir, there are going to be days when I won't have the energy to get out of bed. There are going to be days when I want to give everything up; love, school, career, family―which is happening to me now. The thing is, I am not allowed to give up―at all. I was given a life by God and I am supposed to live it. The truth is the seventy or eighty or even sixty years that God has given me might not be enough for me to do what I am supposed to do. It's a common fact that I am gonna hit some bumps through the way, but I've got to pick myself up and move on.
Life is unpredictable, and things might not work out as what you wanted them to be, but that's not a reason to give up. You are here for a reason, and someday, unexpectedly, you're going to discover your reason of being here.
And when that happens, your life might never be the same again.
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